Toys to Help You Celebrate National Masturbation Month 2022
That’s right Ladies and Theys. May might be coming to a close, but your legs don’t have to.
Happy 37th birthday, National Masturbation Month! To read more about this incredibly delicious celebration, I highly encourage you to check out this piece called “The History of National Masturbation Month” by Kiki Wellington. My job however, is to guide you to the best of the best that will lend a helping hand with your celebrations. Of course, as lesbians we likely already have a few of these stowed away in the Drawer of Lesbian Sex Toys, but maybe you’re ready to give something new a go.
Whether you’re a vibe-fan or like to get deep…Buckle up, my sexual beings. There’s a little something for everyone.
The Original Magic Wand
No list of sex toys would be complete without our O.G. The one, the only, The Original Magic Wand. This has been a mainstay on the sex toy market since the beginning of time, and for good reason. As a vibrator, this mighty thing packs a punch. Enough so that it can be used as an actual massager for your back and shoulders. While the full size option is a little on the aggressive side for my sensitive delicate parts, the travel size does the job wonderfully. This iteration has two vibrating speeds (the more costly $129 option goes up to four), that will leave your legs quivering by the time you’re finished. You can read the reviews for yourself here.
Satisfyer Pro 2
This vibe is my baby. I would lay down my life for her. Personally, I love the vibez of a vibe and I’ve never found one that does for me what this does. More often than not I find myself mentally fighting not to give in to it’s orgasmic hold within the first two minutes of feeling it. The main sell of the Satisfyer is that it imitates oral sex using air technology. Personally I would describe it more as a very, very talented index finger, but with 11 speeds of no contact air technology that is WATERPROOF it can be whatever the hell it wants to be. Read the reviews and try for yourself.
Vibrating Anal Beads
Silicone. Flexible. Perfect for beginners or pros. These vibrating anal beads have over 3,500 Amazon Reviews averaging at just over 4 stars. I’ve never been one to lean into anal until my most recent girlfriend but this was the toy that brought me to the metaphorical light. It has 16 speeds meaning that it can be a casual Tuesday night toy or a 2:00am on a Saturday toy, and that makes it perfect for any. time. you. want. Shop and review here.
Phanxy Couples Clitoral and G-spot Vibrator
Okay so technically this IS a “couples” toy but I am a sucker for a good 2-for-1 deal and this one is top tier. Comfortable to the touch and easy to clean, I suggest this for most of the women in my life. The only drawback happened upon first inspection when I wondered whether my small vageen would be able to fit such a girthy gal, but lo and behold I was quite pleasantly surprised. With 9 different vibrations, I’m able to stay on the edge and hold on a little bit longer for those earth shattering climaxes. If you are a clit and a penetration person, dive into the Phanxy option here.
Pipedream Icicles
Full disclosure, I have only once ever had a glass toy inside of me. This was not it. However, I have seen my girlfriend with this glass toy inside of her and for that reason it has my full endorsement. I’ve been told to specifically mention that the spiral detail does wonders for the experience as a whole. Try it and let me know.
Kink by Doc Johnson Nipple Play
Nipple play is forever remaining an under-appreciated art form. For example, my girlfriend could very likely make me orgasm from nipple stimulation alone if she really wanted to. And that is why I am simply obsessed with these nipple toys. Not quite clamps, the plastic like texture feels more like a sucking sensation that pulls at the nipples. They can be a little rough but some lube around the edges (always) helps there. I highly recommend giving these a look for my sensitive nippled gals.
Utimi Nipple Clamps
No pain no gain, right? These clamps simultaneously approve and disprove that statement. They are the most delicious sort of pain, because they provide the kind of pain you expect when you want some nipple clamp play. There’s no cheap feeling plastic edges to poke you and no awkward engineering choices that would cause the skin of your tit to get caught on a snag. It’s just a sweet tug and a powerful, yet quiet, vibration. There are demonstration videos within the reviews (on fingers, you dirty birds) and you can check those out before taking the leap here.
Secret Lover Bullet Vibrator
This bad boy is only $12.99. I felt it important to lead with that because HOLY SMOKES does this thing prove that less is more. I might be a tiny bit biased because, again, I’m a vibration fanatic, but this thing is a vibe for all occasions. It’s about the size of a tube of lipstick so it can truly go anywhere with you, and with 10 vibration modes you’ll still have your choice of variety. This is also one of the quietest vibrators I’ve ever used. And the pointed tip makes it easy to focus on that perfect spot right from the start, meaning that if you’re in tune enough with your body then you could straight up get a quickie done in less than five minutes. Take your pleasure on the go here.
Tenga Egg
Full disclosure, I have never in my life personally used a Tenga Egg. But from my understanding, it’s like a more elite version of that scene from American Pie. And that sounds pretty hot if you ask me. There are different textured sleeves that come with each egg and the reviews mention a silky texture and a one size fits all approach for a snug fit. Give the reviews a read and make an informed decision here.
Rainbow Dildo
This is a judgment free zone. There is not a single ounce of shame in a tried and true old faithful. Plus, you simply can’t beat a suction cup. Wooden chair? Check. Shower wall? Check. Hood of your car? Just don’t get arrested. But definitely go get those feel goods right here.
There you have it, babes! Go forth and conquer your celebrations this month! Then come back and tell me all about it. I love a good gossip.
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